Confessions of an exorcist

Written by thehouseofvines

This — yeah, it’s a pipe dream. I have no delusions about my prospects, but it is fun to imagine what I could have created for Dionysos, if I hadn’t listened to Dionysos and become what he wanted me to be. And I am also aware of the irony of that, but it doesn’t stop the sting when I watch someone’s perception of me plummet, or when I hear fear and concern creep into an old friend’s voice and know that we won’t ever talk again. The best part is the confusion — “how can he be this smart and yet so clearly delusional? This guy actually believes that he’s fighting demons.” 

And I am, as well as a random assortment of spirits, ghosts and various malignant entities. 

It’s just weird. I mean people who stuck by me through all the abrupt and seemingly random divergences in my practice, founding and dissolving group after group, my exploration of the more fringe elements of Dionysianism, all the community squabbles and controversies, and even the reputation-destroying Nazi slur; that they could handle, and promise to always have my back. But tell them that I’m studying to become an exorcist and I’ve crossed some invisible line and they put as much distance between myself and them as possible, lest my unfortunate condition prove contagious. 

What makes it even weirder for me is that most of these people are polytheists, or at least some kind of neopagan. They have no problem accepting the existence of a plurality of Gods, ancestors, land-spirits, the Fair Folk, mythological creatures, and even angels. 

But beings who have a predatory and harmful relationship to mankind, or worse oppose the divine order of things? Now that’s fucking nuts!

Even though every single folkway, and all the major world religions to boot, not only include such beings as part of their weltanschauung but possess prayers, incantations, amulets and other apotropaica, ceremonies and superstitions intended to avert, harm or banish them. Many are woven into the rituals, customs and festivals we faithfully reconstruct, observe and pass on, whether we recognize it or not. In the past we had priests, healers, shamans, magicians and charismatic holy men and women who were tasked with protecting their communities and fighting off these malefactors. 

Tell them that your God has drafted you into the war against these things and folks will laugh; suggest you’re becoming a Christian; question your discernment, sensitivity, and divinatory skill; question your sanity; and come up with alternative explanations no matter how pseudo-scientific and improbable just as long as there’s no mention of the d-word. 

I’ve learned not to share this part of my life with such people, which means that I have less and less to talk about with them, which usually results in the friendship drying up and dying off. 

Frankly, I’m surprised that I have any readers left, especially after the kind of stuff I’ve been posting. In case you were wondering that isn’t going to change, except that I’m going to be discussing it more often and more candidly. I’m going to be talking about my practice and techniques, the different stages from obsession and harassment to possession, past and current cases, spiritual taxonomies and how my theological and philosophical beliefs have adapted to accommodate the things I’ve seen and experienced. It’s not all that the House of Vines is going to be about, but I’m not hiding it or carefully couching it in palatable and inoffensive vagaries any longer. 

And there are a number of things that have prompted this. Outside of my household I don’t really have anyone I can discuss this with. Most of the time that doesn’t really bother me; I’m pretty good at taking things in stride, and we work damn well together, and often analyze and strategize about cases. 

But then there are cases like the one I’m working now which involves a couple in the Pacific Northwest. For a number of reasons I should not be the exorcist handling this one. I even tried pawning it off on the Catholic church (especially since the clients are Christian) but they handled it so incompetently that it’s now an even bigger mess than when the couple was referred to me. (They also contacted a shaman before me who was going to charge them an arm and a leg to do some Harner bullshit. The guy is ex-military and ex-police so there was no fucking way I was going to let them get taken advantage of like that, which is how I inherited the case.) What frustrates me is that I have no outside colleagues that I can either consult with or refer them to, on either the West or East coasts or anywhere in between. And so I’m going to deal with my frustrations by posting here. Hopefully you’ll find it educational. 

I knew that this would be a very challenging and taxing vocation when Dionysos presented it to me. I expected that would be on the physical, psychological and spiritual levels. But I think the hardest part has been the loneliness. However that is a small price to pay to be able to help people who are in crisis situations.  

27 thoughts on “Confessions of an exorcist”

  1. I think those who who look at you funny for saying that, don’t know their history well. While it’s true that monotheism has claimed a monopoly on exorcism through pop culture mostly, it’s a fact that in antiquity the ancient Egyptians, Mesopotamians, Romans, Greeks,… all had their form of demons and had means to protect them from those beings. The Ancient Greeks had spells, necromancy and possibly even forms of exorcism to expel evil spirits. George Luck (Arcana Mundi) and Daniel Ogden wrote books on the occult in the ancient world.

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    1. Solid recommendations — and there’s even some indication that Ogden venerates the Hellenic Gods. (There are similar rumors about Fritz Graf and Sarah Iles Johnston; the latter, at least, has mentioned polytheist reconstructionism in a couple of articles.)

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  2. It’s become abundantly clear to me that this religion was nothing more than an aesthetic for a bunch of people in this community. They’re not willing to embrace the existence of the demonic because they want it all to be non-confrontational love and light they can use to justify leftist politics and gay sex. That’s all it will ever be for so many people.

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    1. part of it is that to acknowledge evil spirits means we have to acknowledge hierarchy, and that we’re not at its top. The Gods are greater than we, but we can also be prey to evil beings too, and while our gods are great and can banish those evil beings, the very fact of their existence, that they ARE NOT there for our higher good, or whatever bullshit people tell themselves, means that we’re not at the top of the existential or ontological pyramid and most people today can’t fucking handle that.

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    2. “Non-confrontational” so long as you agree with their agenda 100% — deviate in the smallest of ways and you’ll find yourself up against the wall.

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      1. I mean that they want the religion to be non-confrontational. The people on the other hand they should be as confrontational as possible against “undesirables”

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  3. Who knows? You could be learning things right now that will build the most solid foundation of truth for the actualizing of that pipe dream later. Of course you are fighting demons. We all are, you just were called to basically be a spiritual doctor in it. There are doctors for everything, why wouldn’t there be for the spiritual side of things? Being on your path clears house repeatedly and it’s a sign you are doing as you are called to. The most important relationships haven’t fallen away; they’ve just drawn in closer to you as the real love and focused support you’ll need and all those other relationships were in the way of. They just couldn’t come with you into this territory. You also will draw closer to Dionysos as you do this work for Him. It’s an incredible time in your own legacy as well as His in these modern times. People are about convenience these days and it’s inconvenient and doesn’t provide those dopamine hits to be respectful of both the Gods and the darker side of things. Welcome to the misfit island. There are people that know the truth intimately here. It’s not an entirely Christian problem, is it? Our Gods aren’t competing with each other. You’ll get the right readers. I’ve learned so much just from the prayers you have shared and the relationship you and your wife model for spouses. Oh yeah, the shaman I ran into in the PNW was woke garbage on a power trip. It wasn’t until I asked Galina’s help that I got anywhere. And she wasn’t advised to take my case; she prayed for me and helped me learn basic protections which aren’t really taught to people that do healing work. Cleared my path right up. As someone who heals myself and then offers what I learn through poetry in small digestible pieces, all that’s been available to me to learn protections is the love and light crew and it does not work. It will eat a person alive trying that route and I suffered a really long time because the healing paths are all about love and light now and it’s just not the reality. Pealing demons off myself is. The loneliness carves you more His than you realize yet, perhaps. He’s drawing you closer to Him.

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    1. Interestingly in Egypt and Mesopotamia the words for doctor and exorcist synonymous. Which makes sense since evil is a viral contagion. Thankfully exorcists have cooler masks to wear than doctors, at least in my tradition. :)

      And yeah, all the twists and turns of my life have been with the single goal of drawing me closer to Dionysos.

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      1. That is an amazing connection between ancient and modern language for exorcists. I love it. I did not know that, thank you for sharing it. Yes, evil is a virus contagion in my experience as well. It does not just resolve on its own. For the masks alone it is probably worth it. Nothing is more badass than a tradition-made mask imbued by the Holy Ones with all sorts of fun things.

        It is not easy to draw closer to our Gods, Loki in my case. I only meant to soften that, not minimize it. We are blessed that They love us and consider our true desires and needs and whatever our souls might delight in learning for Them. We are not left wandering in a desert of devotion unmet. They love bringing us through to the feast. You are definitely at the feast. You can smile in the face of evil with your God smiling right there with you. Badass because you know Dionysos is THE exorcist, and I can tell that in the prayers you have shared. You have already been braided with Him. The loneliness is a gift too. After you see so much, it becomes rest and freedom. A holy place only you and Dionysos sit together without all the noise.

        You were unmade and rebuilt for this, to hold it well. I am celebrating for you and yours, and the ancestors celebrate with you. Some people cannot process this territory, so they fight it. It is a mercy to let them go. They cannot come with you, and it could mess them up royally to try. Their fighting and mocking is their soul saying, -I need out. This is not anywhere I am ready for. May they find their way without harming themselves or others. Your existing as an exorcist means the Gods exist, and some people hold their devotion as archetypical and not close. They get uncomfortable when it gets real.

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  5. I just visited Portland for the first time a couple of days ago, and thought about you.

    I first ran across you back in the LiveJournal days, and as you say I’ve watched you found and abandon groups as well as delete a ton of Wonderful material. It has taught me not to dive too deeply into what you offer, lest it suddenly be yanked away. I read, learn, move on for a bit and learn my own things, and then ride the wave back to read some new things from you which helps me to deepen a bit more.

    I’ve recently been reading Gregory Shaw’s book “Hellenic Tantra,” which has bridged a gap that I’ve had for over a decade between my yoga practice and my Hellenic worship. That is the primary road down which I’m currently traveling, but I’ll be looking at Orphic material again soon given how strongly it was received during Anthesteria in 2024. And I’ll continue to peruse what you offer, whenever I can ride the wave back to this source.

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  6. I have many thoughts about this…one is that Neopagans are so accustomed to thinking of the natural and spiritual worlds as mere set dressing for their personal “journeys”, that they can’t believe there’s anything actually harmful out there–that bears and fae alike are our trusty friends. Another is that Neopaganism has embraced the idea that anything Christianity calls evil must perforce be actually good, an attitude I assume is partially responsible for the current fad of demonolatry. And I’d agree with Galina and with Guason about the other problems with the community.

    This work, even if it isn’t what you really wanted to do, is so very, very necessary right now. The Catholic Church has neutered its rituals and acts embarrassed even to have exorcists, while mainstream Protestantism seems to have quietly shelved the whole subject of evil except in reference to politics they don’t like (I am not conversant with charismatic spiritual warfare, so I have no idea how effective it might be). Meanwhile, the lower astral gets ever more toxic and the parasites and predators more active. I don’t have a relationship with the Greek gods, so I have only visited here occasionally until now, but this subject is so important I will be stopping by regularly to learn what I can.

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    1. Too many Neopagans ignore the fact that well before Christianity, hell, well before Judaism, at least as far back as Sumer, Babylon, and Egypt (and probably long before) our ancestors knew evil spirits existed and had rites to deal with them. The Catholic Church has and continues to desecrate its rituals, btw. Its latest is to remove key titles from the Virgin Mary. It just sickens me to see a tradition like that crumble as it has. Protestant traditions seem to mistake politics for religion and the worst degeneracies of being woke for spirituality unless they’re seriously pentecostal and then there are other problems there. Charismatic spiritual warfare isn’t effective for the most part, not unless you have someone who is seriously tapped in (Christianity is clear: devils are cast out in the name of Christ, not the Holy Ghost) and that’s just not usually the case. I’m not familiar enough with the Orthodox traditions to comment, though even there I think the spirit of the age is seeping in.

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      1. I’ll see what I can cobble together ;-)

        I am a devotee of Brigid, and also have devotion to An Dagda and Thor. Irish Gaelic/Norse polytheist.

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          1. Hail the Gods and Goddesses all! Hail the might of Those Who created and sustain the worlds!

            I will pray for your safety, and that of your household, in this work.

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  7. Well, it is like saying all of nature is good. There are things out there who will eat you. Never stand in front of a bull moose, you will die. Same with spirits – good, bad, ugly, neutral. So, you use spiritual hygiene to ensure protection from the not-so good ones.

    One thought, have you looked at Mesopotamian or Near East practices for ridding people of bad spirits? I suppose you have. But there is a rich tapestry that Sumerian scholars have uncovered.

    I would be interested in spiritual taxonomies.

    As for the community, the ones that are blogging or at Discord, I usually avoid. I do read John Michael Greer’s blog and Magic Monday on Dreamspace(?), where people ask serious questions about exorcism and spiritual hygiene. So, there are those who are serious about this.

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    1. He’s more well studied in Sumerian, Babylonian, Hebrew, Greek, and Latin material than I am and that’s saying something.

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    2. Mesopotamian stuff keeps coming up, both in its indigenous expressions and combined with Hellenism, Judaism, Mandaeism, Manicheanism, etc. Very persistent traditions. But you’ve got to be to live in that part of the world.

      I like the taxonomies too. I’ll bump it up the list.

      That last bit was very reassuring. Though I imagine not for everybody. LOL

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