If, like me, you have been thinking “what this situation really needs is the eruption of a supervolcano,” then we may not have long to wait — according to National Geographic a chunk of Yellowstone the size of Chicago has begun ‘pulsing.’

Of course that’s nothing compared to the plight of America’s celebrities, confined to their mansions without crowds of adoring fans to feed their voracious egos. Some of them are clearly starting to crack from the pressure.

I bet all those refugees caught up in the border conflict between Greece and Turkey feel real bad for them – I mean, when they’re not dodging tear gas and lasers (yes, actual lasers) that is.

But the true victim of the coronavirus isn’t celebrities or immigrants, nor even the 800 Italians a day who are dying from it – it’s … feminism. Mind you this isn’t someone upset over Ohio using the crisis to curtail access to abortion; no, they feel that being asked to pitch in with household chores and childcare during the apocalypse is “oppressive.” Or some shit – I had to rage-quit the article a couple paragraphs in so I’m not entirely sure.   

Anywho … when is Old Faithful gonna blow its top again? Cause I’m thinking it’s well past time.

Tick tock. Tick tock. Tick …