It’s hard living up to the expectations of others

Written by thehouseofvines

You know the most depressing part of all this? 

They clearly think I’m more interesting than I actually am. 

Apparently at one of the Starry Bull retreats we had a drug-fueled orgy in the blood of a sacrificed goat.

Jesus, I need to up my game. 

18 thoughts on “It’s hard living up to the expectations of others”

  1. I find this less egregious than them calling you a Nazi. At least a bloody drug orgy would be cool. Certain parameters would have to be established to make sure it wasn’t in spiritual violation of anything but it’d be cool

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  2. Also, clearly they are just making shit up at this point. There’s no active misinterpretation here. This is either a mud slinging campaign or the person posting this shit has some kind of disorder

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    1. What’s weird is that it’s easily disprovable. You’d just have to ask the folks who were at the retreats. I bet several of them will be disappointed they were not involved in the blood orgies; others won’t be terribly surprised to hear such rumors circulating about me. But none will be able to recall such a scenario. T̶h̶a̶n̶k̶s̶ ̶t̶o̶ ̶t̶h̶e̶ ̶d̶r̶u̶g̶s̶. Hell, I don’t even think thusia has been performed at any of the retreats (though we did perform omophagia once) but if so it was birds not goats. And one doesn’t orgy in bird blood, at least not according to our traditions.

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  4. What’ll they think of next?

    Sannion created the Black Plague!

    Sannion shot JFK!

    Sannion did 9/11!

    Sannion bombed Pearl Harbor!

    Sannion started the Trail of Tears!

    Sannion killed the dinosaurs!

    Sannion killed Mufasa!

    Sannion canceled Firefly!

    Sannion was the reason Spider-Man almost left the MCU!

    Sannion is the reason buttered toast always lands on the buttered side when it hits the floor!

    Sannion rips the tags off of mattresses!

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  5. Sannion killed Harambe!

    Sannion wrote Season 8 of Games of Thrones!

    Sannion cast Jodie Whitaker as the Thirteenth Doctor!

    Sannion is the one who changed it to “Berenstain Bears”!

    Sannion invented Minion memes!

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  7. Okay, just three more. I promise.

    Sannion is the reason that if you or a loved one have been diagnosed with Mesothelioma you are entitled to financial compensation.

    Sannion is the reason that according to all known laws of aviation there is no way a bee should be able to fly. Its wings are too small to get its fat little body off the ground. The bee of course flies anyway because bees don’t care what humans think is possible.

    Sannion wrote the Bee Movie

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    1. I’m betting on the erection lasting more than four hours.

      In other news: I’m thinking of creating my own Micronation.

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  9. Man, clearly I missed the Best Retreat Ever at some point. Well, I guess people making up wild rumors about Dionysian orgies has a long history, so you’re in good company.

    This reminds me of the party my best friend and I held when we were 18. It was a great party, really, because we were interesting people and knew a lot of interesting people, but it went up several notches in the later rumors – like the presence of one small whip (not actually used on anyone) became a guy in a full leather gimp outfit. Did wonders for our reputations though (I guess that says something about the values of the sorts of people we hung out with…)

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