I want you – unless you’re white. Then you can just fuck right off.

uni

Uni, the mascot of inclusive Rainbow Heathenry

Karl Siegfried (who has a doctorate in double bass which he feels entitles the bearer to speak authoritatively upon Heathen matters) has come up with some declarations for the community in the wake of a violent incident involving some Moslems in New Zealand. This man (and I apologize if I’ve assumed your pronouns Karl) stated the following in a piece for the super woke Wild Hunt:

5. If Heathens are okay with missionaries seeking to recruit racists or save souls in prison, it’s difficult to understand why they would be opposed to actively seeking out non-white Heathens and bringing them into their practicing groups. This isn’t about recruiting one person of color and featuring their photo on an organization’s social media accounts. If Heathenry isn’t a religion for white people, our religious communities should naturally reflect the diversity of the United States. If our organizations and events are full of white people exclusively, we need to ask what we’re doing that has built a de facto exclusive religious community.

6. We should diversify Heathen presence at wider Pagan and interfaith events. We should refuse to be part of or attend all-white panel discussions on Heathen issues. We should let organizers know that such presentations are no longer acceptable. I encourage any who feel that this is calling for tokenism to embrace that feeling and follow it to its logical conclusion. If the idea of including, for example, African-American or Latinx Heathens on a panel discussing Heathen issues is offensively tokenist, take steps to fight tokenism. Pledge to only support Heathen workshops, presentations, and panels featuring exclusively non-white practitioners for the next decade.

One might point out that if your stated goal is to combat racism then instituting quotas based on the color of an individual’s skin and only permitting said colored people (without any consideration for their experience, knowledge or aptitude) to present at conferences or take on speaking and leadership roles in other contexts seems, well, kind of regressive and counterproductive to me, but what do I know? I’m a high school drop out who never had the chance to study double bass at university. Maybe I’m missing something essential here. Let’s give Karl’s declarations the consideration they deserve, despite his melanin-challenged status.

So, in order to virtuously signal that I am not a hwite supremeist or Republican or any such horrible creature I am going to start actively recruiting colored people to join the new Rainbow Universalist Kindred I am founding. We will have a 25% blood quota so please have your 23andMe papers handy; note, we are also an intersectionalist Kindred so being genderfluid, polyamorous, a Leftist, mentally or physically disabled, a consumer of large quantities of soy or if you possess membership in another class of oppressed persons (such as Democrats, journalists or Antifa) you will score extra points on the admissions test. Knowledge of the lore and customs of our people, ability to pray and make a variety of regionally and seasonally appropriate offerings to the Holy Powers, engaging in advanced spirit-work practices or having a serious and committed relationship with the Kindred’s Gods and Spirits is irrelevant as we do not believe in elitist and discriminatory concepts such as hierarchy and meritocracy, clear hold-overs of the patriarchy. Also, fucking white people need not apply or say or do anything should they happen to show up at one of our events. (I think everyone has had enough of you people by now.) Although our Kindred draws on the beliefs and religious practices of Germanic, Slavic, Baltic and related cultures that does not mean that they are your Gods and Spirits simply because you have some ethnic ties to those places. Especially since being white you are probably also cis, hetero, wealthy, educated, ableist, homophobic, transphobic, misogynistic, xenophobic, and islamophobic. In short, like all white people you make stereotypical judgments based on superficial conditions such as skin color, gender, sexual preference and the like and we won’t be having any of that in our Kindred. (Our Kindred incorporates lots of musical and athletic contests at the Holy Tides so there will be plenty of opportunity for colored people to contribute and feel at home with us.)

Needless to say I’m just ripping on Karl. I have no intention of starting up a Rainbow Kindred any time soon.


3 comments

  1. (I think everyone has had enough of you people by now.)

    “What do you mean `You People?’ ” (“Tropic Thunder” anyone? lol)

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  2. I am deeply disappointed that you are not starting a Rainbow Kindred. I was so looking forward to inviting my one friend of color (you know, the one every white person has to have to be certified as non-racist) to join.

    Rita

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  3. I can top your kindred with a true story….. During the Carter Administration, my father who was the town manager of a small town in New England wanted to build a senior citizen’s center. He needed federal funds to do it. The funds came with a requirement that at least half of the residents using the center had to be Black. One problem – the town was only 20 percent Black. So my very inventive father asked all the Black people of the town to have all of their relatives sign up. Up until the federal audit, he bussed people in from at least 100 miles away. The feds came, counted heads, and left. The other towns in the area did the same thing when they needed funds – bus the *same* Black people to their facilities. Feds never caught on, nor did they care, once it was established that the center was open to everyone.

    Two things from Karl’s article – Does he and other Heathen priests have a prison ministry? Do they hold blots regularly in prisons? I do know that Kirk Thomas, former Archdruid of ADF, goes regularly to the nearby Washington (State) prison, and mentors a group of inmates. Does Karl’s Kindred have a ministry for inmates?

    Do Black and other Non-White people want to be Heathens? Are there a lot of Black people who are being turned away from Kindreds besides the AFA?

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