The performance isn’t actually that great. I’ve seen a lot better covers of Hallelujah.
But I have rarely seen anything as raw and heart-wrenching and beautiful as what’s in her eyes.
I envy people who feel things that deeply, that honestly.
No matter how strong the emotion I’m experiencing there is always a part of me that remains cold and empty and untouched by what’s going on. And it’s never pure. At some point I become aware that I am actually feeling something and that is what I focus on. The novelty of it, the alienness of it. At that point it either abruptly stops or becomes artificial.
So when I see someone who is actually feeling something, who is completely swept up in their emotions … I want to get close to that. I want to soak it up. I want to feel, if only by proxy.
I … probably shouldn’t be saying this in public. I recognize that it is likely indicative of a severe psychological disorder. And yet, that doesn’t trouble me. Quite the opposite: I see it as a sign of progress.
You want to know what the craziest thing about me is?
I wasn’t like this originally.
This is something I intentionally started doing to myself as a way to get closer to Dionysos.
And now … there’s no going back.
Pretend you didn’t just read that and watch the clip instead. It’s worth it, trust me.